As a parent, you know that putting a baby to sleep can be really challenging, most especially when you see how much they are fighting the urge to rest and sleep. You already tried different approaches like feeding them, swaying them and swaddling them, but your tiny human still couldn’t get that sleep. So, why does babies fight sleep?

There is no specific answer to why babies fight sleep, because every baby has varying and complex needs. It can be from their developmental needs, emotional needs, and physical cues. Comfort and support play a huge role for helping babies fell asleep, and this is where everyday items like, a breastfeeding pillow, can become a lifesaver. Many parents would be relieved from that frustration upon having a deep understanding of the needs of their babies and knowing what they can do to help. This would help parents to respond to their baby’s needs with patience, kindness and confidence.

Together, let’s explore what it really means when babies “fight” sleep, its underlying reasons, and how we can gently help them navigate to a more peaceful and fulfilling sleep.

What It Means When a Baby “Fights” Sleep

“Fighting” sleep can be observed in babies showing signs and cues of tiredness, like yawning, getting fussy or rubbing their eyes, but still refuses to sleep or “fighting” the urge to rest. Other signs can look like sudden outbursts, arching their back or squirming while feeding, becoming hyperactive or overstimulated, or napping for a short period of time before waking up again.

While we see this as our child being difficult, it was never the case. Babies don’t purposely do this to push your buttons or test your patience; they are just expressing how they feel, which they can’t put into words as they don’t understand it yet. Babies have to learn how to rest; it is something we help them develop, especially in the first months of their life, so let’s be more patient with them. We are here to guide them through the world.

Common Developmental Reasons for Sleep Resistance

In the first year of our baby’s life, their sleep patterns are in constant change, from sleeping all day, multiple naps throughout the day and being awake at night. There are changes in every milestone. When babies process new skills, it can temporarily disrupt sleep. Here are some developmental reasons why your baby is resisting sleep:

Establishing a circadian rhythm, in the newborn adjustment stage, which is the first 2 – 3 months of a baby’s life, they don’t have an established circadian rhythm yet, which is why they often mix up day and night.

Around 4 months of, the baby goes through a major sleep regression as their sleep cycle matures, which frequently leads to waking up at night or refusing to take naps.

Growth spurts can increase the feeling of hunger and make babies fussier and clingier.

Motor milestones, when babies learn how to roll, crawl or stand, it can be harder for them to wind down.

Separation anxiety often shows at around 6 – 9 months when babies are more alert and needy during bedtime.

This transition is challenging and exhausting, when what we see in our babies is their restlessness, clinginess, and them being “difficult”. But they aren’t doing this on purpose, they aren’t just avoiding sleep, they’re overstimulated, scared or in need of more comfort.

Hunger, Discomfort, and Other Physical Needs

Our babies grow, their needs change; every month of the first year of their lives, there are milestones that they reach. In this phase of their lives, they learn how to communicate with us through cues and cries. These changes that they experience, along with the different emotions they feel, can sometimes be too much, which could affect their sleep. Tending to the newborn’s physical needs is the first and easiest thing to do; if the baby can’t get sleep, they are easier to identify and solve. Here are some of them:

Hunger – growing babies experience growth spurts, which increase their feeding needs, so there are times when babies feel hungry just as you’re about to put them down.

Teething – Sore or swollen gums can make the baby uncomfortable and fussy, which makes it hard for them to wind down.

Stomach gas or reflux: Babies who have digestive discomfort may fuss a lot when laid down, and they may also arch their backs and wake shortly after being placed down in bed.

Temperature – there are times when babies feel too warm or too cold, which could affect how they fall asleep.

Wet or Dry Diaper – There are babies who are more sensitive than others; some babies immediately wake up when they feel wet.

Sometimes it’s the obvious reasons that we often miss. Remember, doing a quick check on these needs can help you save time and help your baby settle down more easily.

Gentle Strategies to Help Baby Settle and Sleep Easier

Now that we are more knowledgeable of the reasons behind babies’ “fighting” sleep, here are some ways we can support and help them without letting them just cry it all out.

Establish a simple and calming wind-down routine. It can be from a sequence of a warm bath, short feeding, lullabies or swaying, a consistent routine helps signal that sleep is coming.
Use movement wisely. Most baby loves to be held and rocked to sleep, but once they’re drowsy enough, you could try and lay them down.
Offer more comfort through contact. Babies thrive when they are held and cuddled. They feel safe and comfortable in your arms and doing this can help in the transition to sleep.
Respond to sleepy cues and respect wake windows. Focus on your child and their cues, rather than the time itself. Learn your child’s body language and signs that they are ready to sleep.
Be consistent but flexible. As much as possible, stick to your established routine and avoid making drastic changes, as this can disrupt your baby’s sleep pattern. Being consistent helps your baby to adapt.

Conclusion

Understanding the reasons behind sleep resistance is a great first step that equips you to respond better to your baby’s needs. With your loving response, time, patience and consistency, your baby will get better at sleeping. But in the meantime, you’re doing the best you can do, and showing up with love.

“Fighting” sleep doesn’t mean that your child is “bad” at sleeping, it is a skill that requires consistent practice and guidance from parents. Sleep isn’t embedded in a newborn, it is a part of their development, and there are ways we can do to help them.